


let him sleep

by poupon



Series: Saviour [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Emotional Manipulation, I don't know how to tag this, I'm Sorry, Its the whole story with some headcanons, M/M, Prose Poem, Unrequited Love, i guess, stuffed into a short prose poem, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 03:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8733388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poupon/pseuds/poupon
Summary: ...he has been blundering in the dark for far too long.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thegirl_gcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl_gcat/gifts).



> ...I'm sorry I'm suck at writing summary. So it's just the whole Gradence story stuffed into a really short prose with some of my headcanons I wrote as a birthday present for my cutie pie @thegirl_gcat. Yeah, that's it...

*

 

**_One,_ **

You’re still young but all your candles are blown out and all you lights vanish. There is this vast hole inside of you that every time you look at it you’re tempted to jump straight in and curl yourself up in that deep dark place no one can reach. You call it the Abyss.

You came to it more often through time.

 

**_Two,_ **

Your Mother tries to save you. Your vessels are filled with mud, she says. Your soul is so dirty it stinks, you think. You pray three times a day in the hope to clean them off. It seems like you cannot get rid of the filth, so Mother takes out the belt. Get rid of them, get rid of them, be a good child and you will no longer suffer, she convinces, and you mistake sorrows to redemption.

This will help, Mother says. This will help, you think. Eventhough sometimes it hurts too much and the fire in your gut screams under restraint.

Your Mother tries to _save you_ and sometimes you both want each other dead.

 

**_Three,_ **

You meet someone. Beautiful and strong and mesmerising and warm.

He offers comfort and affection. He tells you that you are one of his kind and that you are special. He shows you a new world you’ve never even dreamed about. You will fall in his arms and cry on his shoulders and freak out because your tears stain his expensive tailored suit. He will not say a thing. He will hold you in dark alleys where you both cannot see each others’ faces. You are such a shameful mess you are grateful that he’s not looking.

He gives you a home. He buys you new clothes. He keeps you warm and full. His house is cold, he used to spend most of his time in the offices. You start to wonder has he brought anyone home before you. You start to wonder will you be the last. You try your best to make the house a home for him and you are scared that all you will see in his eyes is sympathy.

But he will places his hands on your neck and cheeks and he will keep your head high up and your eyes looking straight at him. He refuses your attempts to avoid eye contact. You do it anyway. He will almost lift you up every time you hunch your back and try to curl into your little black hole. He refuses your self-loathing and the idea that you are something dirty and sinful and worthless for his gazes. He will stare at you for hours straight. He does not fancy the fact that you think you are trash.

All your candles light up one after the other again and you feel warm basking under them. You think he is your beacon.

He is not. It dies out before it even starts.

 

**_Four,_ **

One day he asks you to come back to your Mother and all the blood in your body runs cold.

You don’t ask him why. You think you are abandoned. But he explains then that he needs your help to find someone, and you cling to that wish as if that is the last light you have left. As if you will risk your life for it to be fulfilled.

So you come back to your Mother and live your life as if nothing happened before. You bury the images of him deep in your belly and make sure no one sees. He will still hold you in dark alleys, his eyes glowing a different kind of lights, his hands on your neck feel like ice touching bare skin, he is more intimate than ever before but the cold is creeping up your spine and you don’t know why.

You don’t want to find out why.

You’ve lost enough, you think. Not this light. _Not this light_.

 

**_Five,_ **

Someone calls you freak.

You seeks comfort, and he gives you just that. He gives you a pendant to summon him. He tells you that you are different. He kisses your cheek.

He turns away first. He has never turned away first.

Darkness falls onto your shoulders and the weight pulls you down. Your heart falls to the ground.

Shatters.

 

**_Six,_ **

Mother cannot save you anymore. All the chains she helps putting on you fails to hold back the dark. It slips out one night. You are unable to lock it back up since then.

Mother is dead the night after.

 _You scream_.

 

**_Seven,_ **

He comes in a blink of an eye.

You reach for him, hands shaking and body trembling with fear and hatred. The rage twists and turns in your abdomen and you cry for help with cracking voice. He looks around before coming to you. He hold your head in his palms, eyes locking your eyes, refusing your little protest.

Where is she, he asks. The cold reachs your skull and you feel like all your organs are frozen. Where is she, he repeats, but you cannot form a coherent sentence with those shivering lips.

You tug on his sleeve with your fingers, feeling like your phalanges are made out of ice. Help me, please help me, you plea. He hits you across your face. Everything goes blank for a moment before you come back to life.

 _Where is she_ , he pushes, his eyes glowing red, the veins on his neck throb impatiently, his hands are as hot as burning cuff on your wrist. You think you can hear your skin sizzling.

Another piece in you breaks down, but you stand up anyway.

 

**_Eight,_ **

The irony is that _you_ are who he’s looking for.

The irony is that now you do not want to hear anymore.

 

**_Nine,_ **

You cannot kill him.

You cannot kill him, you want but you _cannot_ kill him. Instead you wreak havoc in the city, letting the fire in you goes rogue. Then you curl up in a railway underground licking your own wounds.

You hope you can just lie here until eternity, shutting down every connection with the outside world. You hope everything and everyone just leaves you alone. You hope you will never see him again. But something in you knows he will come to you. And something in you tells you to wait.

You are pathetic, you sob to yourself, dirty and pathetic.

You think he is your beacon but it turns out he is not.

 

**_Ten,_ **

He comes to you and you try to take his hand.

You also try to run before but you come back. You know you will never be able to leave. He changes, he is no longer the one you love so dearly and so deeply, and maybe he never is, but you crave him so much and you have nothing else to lose.

You don’t know he brings company. They all shoot you with their wand and you scream before exploding into a million pieces. Your last candle burns out, leaving only a thin trail of grey smoke. You haven’t had the time to say good bye.

You don’t think it’s neccessary anymore.

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> (It actually has an OE because we all know Credence lives but I decided to cut it out lol)


End file.
